it isn't a REAL HAMBURGER, ROXY!

the face of me and my hypocrisy

"you didn't sound all excited about my new shoes? why? don't you like them?"

"i told you i liked them when you showed them to me earlier."

"well you didn't sound like you liked them."

"will you stop being such a girl?"

"you know you are the world's biggest hypocrite when you say that."

"i have decided that all women can call their husbands girls."

"so does that make you feel better, hypocrite?"

"no, throwing a bottle of my meds at your face would though."

how to put a big smile on marci's face

walk in the bedroom and throw a bunch of MOVIE GIFT CARDS on my bed!!

next on the movie going agenda: wild things with the kids and paranormal activity for the adults...and that includes you miss molly(oh it will be so much fun!)

could i BE any dorkier

i know that this show was on awhile ago but, i am like a week behind on my TIVO watching so, forgive me. i just watched the office, the episode where jim and pam get married. and. i. cried. i think it was the whole them eloping on a boat and then letting everyone else do whatever they wanted to do at the church. i have always said to walter that i wanted to elope to a cheesy church in Vegas...still kinda do. i am blaming ALL OF THIS on my meds!

go here to watch it and i DARE YOU NOT TO CRY! (i couldn't copy the whole thing to my blog...stupid NBC copyright laws)

possible side effects:

ok here are a few of the side effects of my meds they have listed:

abnormal dreams, anxiety (just what i need), decreased sexual desire or ability (walter did NOT think that one was funny), flu-like sypmptoms, loss of appetite, nervousness, trouble sleeping (have that one already), yawning.

and now for the grand finale of all symptoms i give you...

THIS MEDICINE MAY RARELY CAUSE a prolonged, painful erection. this could happen even when you are not having sex. if this is not treated right away, it could lead to permanent sexual problems such as impotence (lisa, 'member how i used to pronounce impotence. it is soooo impOtent!).

the answer is no, i am not taking viagra or the little blue pill. but, how funny would that be running to the ER saying i am not taking viagra, i swear, i am taking such and such...i promise that is why i have this prolonged erection!!

1 year since the day i died a little inside

today is my DADS BIRTHDAY. it is also the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY since the day he left. i have a hard time putting into words what it is he is going through and so i have decided to let my youngest sister MOLLY do a guest post for me today. she has gained a much better understanding of his situation than i have. i am still stuck in the bitter/angry stage and hope that one day i will move past that point. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD WE LOVE YOU!

this is a picture of my dad and i back in the day...

"Happy Birthday DAD!! 58!! One year down and “about” 6 months to go. We miss you. Here are some things we have learned during the past year and I think you have learned as well.
#1 GRACE is a beautiful thing because it makes life unfair. I do not look at this a negative thought and neither should anyone who is reading this. As my father turns the ripe age of 58 today (he would say he is 59 because he is in his 59th year) he will reflect on the past days, months, years and know that he has accomplished a great and amazing feat. This being the fact that his four children have all gained knowledge of the Grace of God. The “unfairness” of the situation is such that if everyone were to put all their trials into a large bucket, I would still pull this trial out for myself. How much I have learned from my father while he is away for no reason, but for the federal government to “exercise” their power and strength. But yet GRACE has touched our family
#2 PRAYER. For me prayer has always been an interesting concept. It is one of the most liberating experiences yet one of the most frustrating. I have never had one of those "wow" prayer moments. I have never thought of them as being answered I just enjoyed talking to someone/something about anything and everything and having no judgment. The reason this is in topic about my father on his birthday and year mark in FPC is the following example of prayer: I have not felt my father's absence in the sense of him being a void in our lives. Maybe this is because we get to talk to him, or we receive letters. But in conversation with him the other week I came to the conclusion it is because of his faith and prayer. He mentioned he was grateful to all of us children for helping our mother and how sorry he was to me for not being home to help through the difficult trials and decisions that had to be made. I told him that I never once felt a burden because he was not here (I realized the truthfulness of this statement even more saying it out loud). I have constantly felt my father’s arms and heard his voice when obstacles or joyous occasions have come up in the past year. I know he is praying for us. I know that God is listening and I know that he feels our prayers. He stated that he has felt the love of his family and friends surrounding him that can only have come through countless prayers on his behalf.
#3 HUMOR. You have to look at the situation and not dwell on the insanity of it all. He teaches fellow inmates: Math, History, English, etc...I mean can you imagine Brent Metcalf teaching you an English lesson? Boring!! Haahaha, but the best part is yes...what a good teacher he makes. He knows prison talk “that’s crazy” “don’t be trippin.” He has found a new love for country music. Though I love country it makes me smile and laugh a little when I think of him listening to Jason Aldean.
#4 OPEN-MINDEDNESS. This not being tolerance with our government, but yet a tolerance and acceptance of the different cultures that surround us every day. He has taken up meditation, befriended individuals going through addictions, just talked to people. I do not know if I can recall my dad having conversations with anyone outside of church. This is true and I love that he has been able to “tolerate” accept different people and ideas around him. Does this change his testimony, no I believe it has made it stronger.
He has worked hard on his case, he has gained knowledge of our judicial system I would love to have. He has taught us not to give up and I believe he will continue to fight for the rights of other FPC inmates even when he is home here in Utah.
This is really long. I could talk about my dad forever. Bottom line is that he is stuck in Colorado away from his family and if we could have one birthday wish it would be for him to come home soon, stay safe, stay faithful and know that we all love him."-Molly Emma Metcalf

i was never informed of THIS

on thursday afternoon i went to my ob/gyn's office for cryo of the cervix. i haven't told anyone this but now i just don't care and i have turned this blog into a sorta diary for me and i hope you all find my life to be sooooo very interesting as to tune in EVERY DAY. almost.


awhile ago i went in for my regular pap exam...oooh how i have missed that good ol' metal duck bill crancker. a couple weeks later i got told that i have an HPV. to which my reply was wha??? YES AN HPV WHICH IS AN STD WHICH CAN LEAD TO CANCER IF NOT TAKEN CARE OF! i know some of you are rereading that last line again wondering if you read it correctly...yes, you did...AN STD and no my DR cannot explain it to me since i know that i have been faithful to my hubby and he to me. i have come to the conclusion that it is just a pre-cancer type thing showing up now to get taken care of.

anyways on thursday i went to the OB's office to have the CRYO OF THE CERVIX done and there was my good ol' metal duck bill crancker thingy that got inserted and then he started shooting liquid nitrogen to freeze the "abnormal cells" up my long dark hall. seriously the only thing going through my mind other than the old standby of- marci, you are laying in a beach with your feet in the sand, not in stirrups was, my uterus feels like it is being blown up with helium. yes, it makes you cramp. yes, it is uncomfortable. yes, it is freaky. but, i did not have any idea what i was in for that night. why? because the second he finished i sat right up and said " I NEED SOME MOOD MEDICATION AND I NEED IT BAD, LIKE RIGHT NOW BAD. I AM SICK OF THE EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER I HAVE BEEN ON AND I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. HELP ME, PLEASE!!" to which he replied what are you on right now...and i told him ( yes i am on something for anxiety) and then he wrote me an rx for something else to help balance me out. oh, how i love him for wanting to help me out and i really hope that this new medication makes me feel better. so, later on that night i feel like i have wet my pants, which i did but it wasn't pee it was something else. so i just changed my underthings and went back to watching tv. an hour later i wet myself again...now i am freaking out a little. i tell walter about it and he just shrugs and said something that i don't remember cause it wasn't helpful. i change AGAIN and then i wet myself AGAIN! finally i get on the internet (cause that's where you get all of your info, right?) and find out that it is the killed/dead/HPV cells leaking out of my body and can go on for a few weeks. how weird is that??

stay tuned this week to find out what some of the side effects of my medications are...walter and i were cracking up!!

how did we get from here to there

a conversation between a 32 year old woman and a 34 year old man...starting with the 34 year old man...



"so i heard that you wanted to go see Zombieland with molly instead of me"



(he of course "heard" this on facebook where i told molly that i would go see the movie with her because the husband didn't seem interested in it. seriously, when i told him i wanted to see that movie he went "eh".)



"you didn't sound interested when i asked you so, yes, i told molly i would go see it with her"



"well i want to see it, just because i didn't sound all excited about it doesn't mean i don't want to see it."



"but when i mentioned it to you, you really didn't seem excited. so, i told molly i would go with her."



"well just so you know, you don't always have the perfect reaction either. i don't really care for zombie movies but, i like woody harrelson."



"i can't believe you are calling me about this."



"i am not. i am also calling to make sure we don't need a babysitter tonight."



"you are such a girl. stop acting like a girl."



"you realize that you are being hypocritical. you always get mad at me when i say that to brenton. did you take your such and such med today?"



"that's because he is only 8 years old!! and you do realize that it takes a few weeks for the such and such med to kick in right?"



"yes, but you also say that it is demeaning to women. do you see my point?"



"yes, i am a woman who is demeaning to women. will you stop being such a girl??"

my mother has NOT A ONE LEFT

my mother has always prided herself on her childrens hair. the long, luxurious, blonde, curly locks of her perfectly coifed three little girls. i refer to her as the hair nazi (sorry mom, but you kinda are). all three of her daughters and one grand-daughter have rebeled against the hair nazi and have chopped off their long manes. i am the last one to do so...

i am too lazy to screw with my camera and figure out how to turn off the flash. but, doesn't it give me such a wonderful glow...
my hair was done by Logan (who has hair i wish my son had). i heard about him through sabrena (thanks yo, i would totally recommend him too. what a cutie.)! he actually taught me how to blow dry my hair and style it TWO DIFFERENT WAYS. i have never had someone do that for me before. kylee came along to support me and watch her mama's locks get chopped away. it feels OH SO GOOD to have a change.

and finally my "you mess with MY KIDS you mess WITH ME" face!!

ps. tessa wouldn't come near me for the first ten minutes of mama coming home with a whole new hairdo.
&
it's walter's birthday tomorrow and i think he is PMSing. yeah.

you mess with MY KIDS you mess with ME!

WARNING: there will be some NOT SO NICE words used in this post so, don't say i didn't warn ya! really i am starting right now so you can turn away if you want...go ahead...i know some of you out there can't handle the wrath of Marci...here i go.

we have a neighbor who lives across the street from us. i don't even know his name, that's just how much he means to me. let's call him neighbor with a stick up his butt or Mr. Jackass or neighbor crankypants with the crankiness that is cranky all the time. ok we will stick with the last one.

this is a picture of his house right across the circle from our house. the first time he yelled at us, it was about our dog running up onto his lawn/cement/home ownership domain, to fetch her ball. oh heaven forbid a dog run onto your lawn oh neighbor crankypants with the crankiness that is cranky all the time. but, i went along with his rule of no dog near his heavenly home and yard and whatnot. Roxy DO NOT GO OVER THERE, HE WILL EAT YOU ALIVE!! but now, oh but now, the man has crossed the line and i am going to tell the internet what this man has done. HE MESSED WITH MY KIDS!

on monday, the day they had no school...again and they were playing outside in the circle. now let me explain, every house except two houses (including his), have children. so, this makes for a circle full of hyperactive children running about like crazy people. they were playing with a ball and it landed on neighbor crankypants with the crankiness that is cranky all the time whilst he was home. and. he. got. mad.

here is another view of the circle in comparison to his house. now please let me ask you...HOW IS A CHILDS BALL NEVER GOING TO LAND ON HIS PRECIOUS HOLY HEAVENLY LAWN?? seriously tell me how am i to handle this because all i want to do is walk over there and let the angry bitchy marci out! because she really likes coming out...especially when she feels very justified. i just found this out late monday night from my kids so i couldn't exactly yell at him when it occured. i am starting to think that maybe the next time his teenager has a party that goes past the legal noise time limit (because i have had this happen and have let it slide) for Sandy...somebody is going to have a cop knockin on their door...

i chopped my hair yesterday...you will get the full glimpse of it tomorrow. i had to keep you coming back here for something and i promise to be nicer tomorrow. maybe.

saving the World one POOPY diaper at a time

give me a K.Y.L.E.E.

Reasons Why My Kylee Would Make A Super Duper Hyper Cute Cheerleader (cause that's what cheerleaders are).

1. look at that Face and Hairdo. i challenge anyone to come up with a cuter face and hairdo for a cheerleader than this one!!
2. she has already got the Attitude down to a perfection. seriously, the girl was born a snobby little leader of all who are willing to follow her every commmand of what SHE WANTS TO DO!

3. she loves Performing and the Cold of being out on the football field in the snow/rain/wind didn't bother her at all.

4. she keeps yelling at me to get her in a Gymnastics class already! see, there's the attitude and we all know that cheerleaders need some gymnastic training.

5. she Practiced and Practiced and Practiced the cheers some more. the girl has got some Dedication and Determination to be Perfect. (sorry about the blurriness i was taping from the stands, walt got down on the field to tape with the video camera, i am just not savvy enough to know how to hook it up to the computer)

it cost me $3 to throw away some green paper

for the past 4 days my children have been on "fall break" which continues on into monday also. while they have been sitting at home for two days instead of going to school kylee has worked her cute, non existent, little butt off making these paintings on green construction paper. they have been floating around my house for 4 DAYS NOW!! i have kept telling myself she will forget about them and i will be able to throw them out (kylee if you ever read this in the future, i LOVE your beautiful artwork. but mommy can only keep so many pictures and paintings shoved around the house.). on saturday my mom called to tell me she wanted to have a sleep over with my two oldest, brenton and kylee, to which i replied...are you sure??? 1. my sister and her family are living with her right now which can create a ton of chaos and 2. my kids are known for their sleeping issues. so i go over on saturday night and hang out for awhile (since the menfolk were at priesthood session), bathed the kids, kissed them goodnight, and wished my mom and sisters luck. apparently right after i walked out the door saylee threw up and continued to throw up all. night. long. (i really truly bone achingly feel your pain nicole). if i had known this, or had seen it, i would have grabbed my kids and ran for the hills. i have anxiety issues with illness that i can't quite work out yet...which i whole heartedly believe i have passed onto my son (i am so sorry for that brenton) as i do have anxiety with other things...but i digress.



so on the ruf's quiet, sleep in until 9 am, sunday morning we woke up refreshed and ready for the gloriness that is not having to be dressed and ready for church at 9 am and instead layed there and did nothing. while i was getting the soup ready to take over to my mothers flu infested house (or hopefully not the flu, she didn't have a fever...i am trying to placate myself here okay)i saw those six rolled up green, painted on, construction papers. i looked at walter and said, "do you think she will even notice they are gone now?" and he said"no i think you are safe." so into the garbage they went. can anyone guess what the first words out of kylee's mouth were when we walked into the house...anyone...no, yes, maybe?? "WHERE ARE MY GREEN PAPERS THAT I MADE?"



oh and as a side note she made a whole new slew of artwork while she was at grandma's flu infested house. which she did bring home with her.



i then looked at walter...then back at kylee...then back at walter...then back at kylee. then i said "i totally sold all of your paintings ky!" she then got a huge smile...an OH MY GOSH...and then...how much money did i make? to which i replied..

3 DOLLARS! (this is a painting i recieved and is up on my wall...the others are still in the garbage RIP) she told me she is now going to sell all the other artwork she made and brenton said he is going to make and sell some of his artwork for .60cents a piece (not to be outdone by his sister).

what have i created???

it all started with those stupid jeans

i love my jeans. i love buying jeans. and in all honesty when i walked into that GAP store i was just going to buy the jeans but, sadly that is not what happened.

i bought myself a whole new fall outfit

and i am soooooo IN LOVE with this sweater that i am thinking of going and getting another one in a different color. why? because i have been wearing it everyday. i have decided i would totally return the shirt for another sweater to wear!

and check it out y'all i am a size 8 (with a little give for the holiday season). and honestly after gaining 50 or so pounds with every one of my THREE pregnancies i feel like i have totally earned the right to brag just a little, so please indulge me in this happiness.
and finally my impulse purchases. i feel no need to justify these. they were sitting there looking so cute and my wrist looked so bare...all because of those stupid jeans.

1st grade is really freaking tiring

i haven't heard any noise from kylee since she got home from school.

i find her in a ball on our massively extra long, extra deep, luxurious, can totally fall asleep on it couch
by now i am thinking there is no way that this child can be breathing. i mean look at that mass of hair combined with that mass of blanket.

praise the snow falling skies of utah, there is her mouth and she is breathing. we can now all return to our regularly scheduled programming.