an incident in the life of "me"

i was laying in my room while Kylee and Tessa were in the bathroom screaming at each other. no one was in danger. no one was dying. no one was hurt. they were just yelling for yellings sake. i hid under my covers to try and drown out the noise. Brenton had his TV on and so did Kylee (full blast). i couldn't drown it out. i couldn't drown out the noise that was slowly making me crazy. in a mad dash with my hair sticking out in a crazy lady way (it can do that now) i headed for the kitchen. i could remember a time when Walter had found a bowl that was on the verge of splitting. i thought to myself, i can fix that easy. so as i am rummaging through our breakables Walter asks what i am looking for. i tell him. oh i threw that away. crap. right then i notice a Christmas mug. THAT'LL DO. as  i tell him that i am going to chuck it from our deck to the cement pad on our lawn to let out some good ol' fashioned frustration ( and lets just admit it, i really really need that period to start yesterday). he says FINE . . . (JUST AS I AM CLOSING THE DOOR TO THE NOISE AND INTO THE SILENCE, IT FOLLOWS ME), YOU HAVE TO CLEAN IT UP!  this gives me a punch to the gut. if he had just said it after my freak out, i could've enjoyed it that much more. but no. i lost that. OH WELL. ADIOS MOTHERF......! and then i threw that cup down and then smashed some of the bigger pieces that didn't break. i then thought, i am gonna make Kylee sweep this up. she drove me to this insanity. i made my way back through the door. as i opened it, the noise was overwhelming. i then closed it and decided i was the happiest person to clean up. in fact i danced and sang while i did it. checking up on the deck every so often to make sure Walter wasn't watching the crazy ooze out of my ears. cause it was singing and dancing with me. happy to be out of the house of children and the horror oh the horror. (sorry for the misspells and whatnot, i wrote this at 1:30 AM see i had a little crazy left)
PS for christmas you can get me a bunch of breakable whatnots and make me happy!

Wishing on the sun too

I am wishing for health.
I am wishing on the moon.
I am wishing on the stars.
I am wishing on the sun.
I am also praying as hard as a non active Mormon can.
This is all I am praying and wishing for since health has seemed to elude us (I am including my immediate family too) since November.
There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel...right?!
Tessa has had a stomachache all day and night.
BLURGH!
Now my stomach hurts but, it could be from stress or the flu.
Frick on a stick.

i am marci

i have never had a song see right through me the way this one does.
sharing the lyrics.
they are not for the faint of heart.
don't say i didn't warn you.
i will say that my blog is here to show the imperfections of life and a few perfections that pop by sometimes.
i am not always happy.
i curse.
i scream.
i cry in the dark.
i am imperfect.
i will always love my imperfect kids too.

"A Better Son / Daughter"

Sometimes in the morning i am petrified and can't move
Awake but cannot open my eyes
And the weight is crushing down on my lungs i know i can't breath
And hope someone will help me this time
Your mother's still calling you insane and high
Swearing it's different this time
Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things
And crawl back into bed to dream of a time
When your heart was open wide and you loved things just because
Like the sick and the dying

And sometimes when you're on you're really f**king on
And your friends they sing along and they love you
But the lows are so extreme that the good seems f**king cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence
But you'll fight and you'll make it through
You'll fake it if you have to
And you'll show up for work with a smile
And you'll be be better you'll be smarter
More grown up and a better daughter
Or son and a real good friend
And you'll be awake and you'll be alert
You'll be positive though it hurts
And you'll laugh and embrace all your friends
And you'll be a real good listener
You'll be honest you'll be brave
You'll be handsome you'll be beautiful
You'll be happy

Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
To the cries and the wails of the valley below
Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
And you'll fight it you'll go out fighting all of them...

sorry guys, winter depression has hit.

i don't exactly feel like doing anything at the moment. i am hoping it will pass. i hate feeling my feelings.

Flu

Flu.

Flu.

Flu.

Flu.

Flu.

Time for me to do nothing

I have a cold sore. Herpes. On my chin, right below my lip. It is huge. Red. Bumpy. Out there on my face for everyone to see. HERPES! HERPES! HERPES! the only reason I can come up with is STRESS. now I am stressed about my stress that is giving me HERPES(jazz hands). I am too stressed to finish this...

Oh yeah, the countdown starts today. My kids are freaking out.
UPDATE: it's bloody shingles. HERPES ZOSTER (jazz hands)

that old christmas magic

 you guys i am working on this really deep, meaningful, thanksgiving post. it is taking alot out of me. i mean, alot alot. this is why my posts are going to be sporadic.

OK, i just lied. i am not actually doing that. BUT. i am discovering that my husband and i are just like my parents were around the holidays. which is to say, A JOY TO BE AROUND AND A JOY TO EACH OTHER. there is nothing but, love and singing going on around this here house. in fact, i just made up a list of EVERYTHING (including things i have researched, couponed (this isn't a word but, i just made it one), and figured out where to go to on Thursday night and have previously already bought at a great price) and have given it to husband so that he can see what it is like to buy all this stuff at affordable prices. it's called a learning experiment. or it could be that we had therapy today and i decided to go crazy. either way i think this could be a SUPER DUPER WAY OF LETTING HIM KNOW-YOU KNOW WHAT, BUYING TOYS FOR CHRISTMAS IS HARD AND EXPENSIVE AND MY WIFE IS AWESOME.

health isn't even an option

we have been sick for around a month now. at one point during the past month, one of us has been sick. once that person starts to get better, another one gets taken down. we have the cold/flu from hell and it scares me. speaking of scary, the three (soon to be four) year old's favorite pastime is going to the halloween stores and seeing all the scary stuff. i have been running around trying to find a hat for walter's halloween costume and she has been loving it. what's funny is when other little kids come into the store and start screaming, tessa comes and when i tell her it's time to go, she starts screaming. tonight walter asked kylee to clean her room and she replied, "you're putting too much pressure on me". SCARY! brenton still thinks the scariest thing in the whole world is throwing up. which no one has done. but he is still worried about it. but is hasn't happened in quite awhile. but there is still a possibility. YES BRENTON EVERYONE COULD THROW UP RIGHT NOW AT THE SAME TIME! i don't actually say that to him. i just think it in my head and smile and give him a hug. the thing with this cold/flu contagion is that it can come around for a second round. sometimes life can just be sucky.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD, EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T READ THIS, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

in your dreams

i had cramps so bad i dreamt about them. i had cramps in my dream, haunting me with the excruciating pain that comes with them. literally, i am thinking, "BLOODY HELL!". i know boy readers...TMI TMI. you boys are big babies. i have to go find my heating pad now.

One of THOSE days

First day of school.

Major cramps.

Root canal.

This day is going to eat me alive.

she is still happy to be here at home

 you see this happy go lucky dog here? doesn't she look so happy to be at home with her family? does she look like she is in any pain at all? would you suspect anything to have happened to this nice, loving, never ever snapped at anyone dog to be injured.

yesterday morning my kids came running into my bathroom to show me this. i promptly freaked out, along with my kids, and took her to the vet. come to find out, a few weeks ago, while she was out with the husband, a bulldog bit her. she didn't cry, whine, nothing, so i guess my husband thought she was fine. OH NO, SHE LICKED AT THAT SORE UNTIL HER HAIR WAS GONE! she is now on antibiotics and i now have a bulldog sized chip on my shoulder.

I want my mommy

That's right. I want my mommy. I literally cry out for her when I am sicky sick. Couldn't hold my baby cate today because of this. I went over to my mommys and laid on her bed while my kids ran around. There's something about being in your "parent/childhood" home that is comforting. It is now 1 AM and I can't fall asleep cause the achy feeling won't go away. I love my iPad at moments like these. Who am I kidding, my iPad is my other significant other.

It is April first (just a friendly FYI)

Tessa has decided she no longer needs naps. She is three and a something, therefore she is now allowed to jump all over her mother during the time of napdom. During this transition, I am left with a shorter fuse and the extreme urge to yell STOP IT and SHUT UP. I know it is APRIL FOOLS DAY but, I am left without the will to care to come up with anything. Lucky you. NO JOKE FOR YOU. The stupid mother effing joke is on me. And for the cherry on top, she is going through the same sleep issues brenton did at this age. SUPER! All of you mothers out there who have these great, happy, wonderful, sleeping three year old angels CAN SUCK IT! what? I am totally happy today.

geez loueez

oh, how my heart aches for Japan. luckily, i was holding a month old baby when i heard the news about the volcano. natural destruction is so hard to comprehend sometimes, especially when it is so targeted to one area. let me just say, that holding a new sweet baby, sure makes the bad news easier to swallow.

on another note, i am completely appalled and am in utter awe of THIS!



REALLY?



REALLY?!



also, to keep you hooked, i had the most embarrassing nightmare the other night. i will tell you about it tomorrow. seriously...humiliating.

kids are home from school

AND I AM CRAZY! THEY ARE HOME EVERY FRIDAY THIS MONTH. WHY NOT THROW IN MONDAYS TOO? I KNOW, LET'S JUST GO TO SCHOOL TUES-THURS (OF COURSE THE SHORT DAY HAS TO BE IN THERE TOO)AND PAY THE TEACHERS ANYWAYS. YEA, NO SCHOOL NO SCHOOL!

i am tired and ornery.

day 7 of hell

it started last friday with Brenton puking all over the bathroom to this morning Tessa doing it again in the kitchen sink (we thought we were in the clear). i am on the verge of a mental breakdown...for real. i am so sick of all this DEVIN (inside joke).

POST EDIT: my husband just informed me that i got it wrong. it is DEVLYN OR DEVLIN. to be honest, i don't give a devlin.

what the hell?

i just received THIS PIECE OF CRAP in the mail today. i just went through this. i am so annoyed i don't know what to say. i am speechless right now. just be glad you weren't standing next to me as i was processing the fact that this was happening yet again. Nicole got a glimpse of it as she was leaving my house...with baby stuff...that she is NOT allowed to return back to me.

the flu cometh

it crept up on her last night as a fever and then turned into the puking monster this morning, just in time for Brenton's viewing. here's to hoping no one else gets it and that it is short lived.
and Roxy protecting her mini-master...yep, there is the blue throw-up bowl that all my children despise.

i just lost 60% of my life

goodbye old friend. just so you know, you totally screwed me out of 60% of my electronic love affair with you. all of my TV shows...GONE! why did this have to happen while i am PMSing? i have to wait 3 days now to get a new one.

instacare anxiety

so i am going to do my "wordless day" tomorrow. brenton did a somersault. into the corner of the wall. i was not upstairs when he did it. kylee came and got me, with a horrified look on her face. i came up to find a head of blood with a goose bump on his head. this bump was unlike any other bump i have ever seen. i then said, " i think we need to take you to the hospital". brenton then screamed. we went to the instacare instead. he was much more calmer about that. when the nurse interviewed us, she asked him questions that you would ask a head injured person for a concussion. does your head hurt? no. do you feel dizzy? no. do you feel like you are going to throw up?...ALL HELL WAS UNLEASHED ON THE INSTACARE! lucky for him he survived. he got a transformer for being so brave. but, i think he was happiest about never feeling like he was going to throw up. HE NOW KNOWS ALL THE SIGNS OF A CONCUSSION.
i think we may have a new phobia to discuss in therapy on thursday...