the post where i say GUN and HELL

i am torn as to how to address my blog today. yes, it is thanksgiving and i should totally be doing some "I AM THANKFUL FOR..." post. but really, i don't wanna cause that is how i am. i have to say though, that the medication i am on has seriously helped my depression drama but not my anxiety issues. which is actually OK because i have a WHOLE OTHER MEDICATION FOR THAT PROBLEM. before i put myself on medication, i can remember walter saying things to me like "count your blessings" and "if you just think positive" and many other stupid positive quotes. i can remember one time i looked at him and said, "if you say that POSITIVE CRAP to me one more time i am gonna shove it up your BUTT!". this is how you feel when you are in the depths of where i was at the time, that is how i justify myself (take it or leave it).
this is who i am, and i can totally accept it. i am trying my darnedest to try and "think more positive", really i totally am, kinda, sometimes...OK on the good days i can REALLY THINK POSITIVE. today though. today i am not feeling super positive. my dad isn't here. he isn't here to celebrate his favorite holiday. with his family. who he totally deserves to be with. so my sister and i are going to go to a late scary movie after we eat with family and i am going to have her sleepover with me and watch movies in bed with me...and maybe ROXY, shh don't tell the husband.
here is the one thing i am thankful for...my husbands family is having thanksgiving in THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, NEW MEXICO and i don't have to go. when they announced this, i looked over at walter and said "no way in hell am i driving to the middle of nowhere to spend four days and not have Disneyland at the end of the destination. nope, no way in hell." he has so kindly obliged and is taking all the kids with him. so i will be all by myself for the next four days. oh sweet silence, how i have missed you so. for those of you who are worried about me being by myself...don't. i have a big dog who doesn't take kindly to strangers and lets them know with her ferocious growl/bark and i am letting her sleep with me and a gun under my pillow. HAPPY THANKSGIVING YO!